I think, for a lot of people, being fat is the worst thing that could ever happen to a person. I mean, in today's society, fat means unattractive. It means lazy. It means ignorant. Who wants to be something that symbolizes all of that?
No one.
I used to hate being this way. Fat, I mean. (And in a lot of ways, I still do of course. It's not exactly fun.) I thought I was unattractive and lazy and ignorant because of that number on the scale. I didn't look like my itty-bitty friends. I didn't look as good in the outfits the models in the pictures wore. Aren't teenage girls supposed to blossom? Aren't we supposed to look like our beautiful mothers did when they were our age?
It took a long time before I started to feel comfortable in my own skin, before I started to feel remotely beautiful. I like who I am now. I like my eyes. I like my beefy calves. I like my hair. I like my high cheekbones (thanks, Grandma). I am at a place where I feel comfortable enough to post about this, something I wouldn't have dreamed of a year ago. This is an unbelievably sensitive topic for me, but I would like to piece together a list of what not to say to a fat person.
WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A FAT PERSON
- "You're not fat!" *Insert eye roll here.* Good grief, I understand your need to be kind or to avoid whatever awkwardness the 'F' word brings you, but come on. Of course I am! I mean, you can sugarcoat it with whatever phrase you want--chubby, curvy, plus-size--but it still means the same thing. And it's a fact, not something I take offense at. It is what it is. You're the only one who's awkward about it.
- "Well, why don't you just buck up, hit the gym, and lose the weight?" Never, ever ask someone this. Ever. It's Basic Humanity 101. You never know what someone is going through. You wouldn't go up to someone with a cast on their arm and chastise them about not drinking enough milk to strengthen their bones, would you? Of course not! Some of us, like myself, actually have syndromes that make losing weight a million times harder than the average person. Beyond that, though, what a lot of people who are naturally skinny don't realize is, being fat is every bit as much of an emotional battle as it is a physical one. Some of us have had a lot of emotional trauma and pain that only food can ease. Food really is like a friend, as odd as that may sound. For some people, it's cigarettes. For others, it's alcohol. But for us, it's food.
- "You would be so pretty if you lost weight!" Excuse me? Am I not pretty now? How terrible is it that, in order to be considered truly pretty, you have to have a thin body? When did that become a thing?
- "You're so brave to wear that outfit." Oh, you mean this sleeveless turtle neck I got from Cato's? Oh. I didn't think twice about wearing it actually. I just threw it on. But you definitely thought twice about it. Fat people can't show their arms? What? Another time, I was regarded as brave for not wearing a shirt over my swimsuit. What in the world?!
- "Boys won't date you if you're fat." There is a sliver of truth to this, I will admit. I don't get nearly as much attention as my itty-bitty friends do, which can be discouraging at times, but that doesn't mean no one would ever date me! Good grief. I've dated people as a fat person, thank you very much.
- "I just really hate fat people." Grr, this one really gets under my skin. Once I was at work, and one of my coworkers (who happens to be a body-builder) decided to go on an anti-fat people tangent. It was just him and me. He was saying this. To me. He was going on and on about how disgusting and lazy they (we) are. Can I just say how much I hate blanket statements?! It is literally impossible to judge an entire group based off a small portion of them. You don't hear me saying how much I hate skinny people because of how effortless it is for them to maintain the weight I would kill for. Some people work hard to be that weight, and like I said, you never know what people are going through.
- "Have you heard of this new diet? I heard it works wonders!" I understand you mean well, which is why I wouldn't be rude to you, but can I just say: ughhhhhh. I'm pretty sure you're not an MD, but even if you just so happen to be one--I didn't ask you! You don't see me walking up to my underweight friends and coercing them to start a high-protein diet, do you?
- "You aren't healthy if you're fat." This is so, so not true. I mean, I'm not speaking for the people who honestly do sit on a couch all day and pig out on McDonald's. I'm speaking for the majority of us who try diet after diet, who do work out and live a relatively active lifestyle, who try so hard to be skinny like you. My best friend is a bigger girl just like me, and she can do the splits. Can you? She is also vegetarian. Are you?
- "Ugh, I feel so fat." If you're wonderfully slim and you say this to me, I just might hurt you. Love. Your. Body. Be grateful for the body I would kill for!
- "Forget JC Penney. You should check out Lane Bryant!" Lane Bryant is an awesome plus-size store, but that doesn't mean I should only shop at places of the like! Good grief. I'm not waddling around at 400 lbs., you know. I can still shop at regular places.
Okay, I've said what I needed to say. Remember, fat people are people, too, and you never know what somebody is going through. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. Skinny, fat, or somewhere in between. Show kindness before you judge.
